Past Echos Rhyming

Week after week, we are all finding our way through this crisis. This is so disorienting because we are experiencing a normal life and not normal life at the same time. I am still in my house. I still have a lot of my usual routine and day to day stuff. But at the same time, everything is different. It’s hard to experience both at the same time and there is no way that we could have prepared for this. 

When I was a kid, I often heard my grandmother talk about the Great Depression. She told me she and my grandfather would always make sandwiches for the people who knocked on their door, asking for help. She said they didn’t have any money to spare, but that they could make sure that no one went away hungry.

Listening to those stories shaped how I understood my grandmother. I grew up knowing that her and my grandfather were grateful for what they had, and willing to share with others in need. But I’m sure they had their moments of worry, fear and frustration as they lived through those dire times.

I know we will be talking about this current pandemic for a long time to come, and that for many of us, this will be the defining crisis of our lives. And that made me wonder what I’ll be able to say about how I coped with this, and even more importantly, how I’ll know I reacted to it.

When this is over, I’m going to look back on this time and ask myself, “Was I brave or fearful? Was I wise or foolish? Did I make the best of a bad situation, or did I made a bad situation even worse?” And I’m going to have to live with those answers for a very long time.

I know I won’t always like my own answers, if I’m brave enough to be completely honest with myself. I’ve had my moments of fear, frustration and self-pity, and I suspect that most everyone else has too. We’re human, and we can’t possibly be strong all the time, especially with a crisis that just seems to go on and on. 

 When I’m feeling down, it does help to remember that my grandparents somehow managed to stay in touch with their best selves even at a time when it must have seemed as if their entire world was falling apart.

Because some day I will be asked about how I handled this dark time, and I’d like to think that I learned a thing or two from my grandparents. Which means that I want to follow their example, and try to stay in touch with my best self too.

All we can do is do our best. And sometimes, our best is allowing ourselves to fall apart a bit because this is scary and overwhelming. And there’s nothing wrong with that. 

As we are all challenged, we also have opportunities to learn, to take stock, to pay attention, and to grow.