Maria Scott Herndon: Fabric Of Being

I was looking through an old box of junk and ran across this list from 1980 of things I wrote that I wanted to do in life. Here they are, verbatim: Sleep out in nature at least once. Real nature, not a park Write a book Throw a crazy ass house party Reconnect with my father Plant a tree in that huge crack in the cement in front of my building Shower in a waterfall Tell someone I love them, for real Learn to pick friends who mean me no harm Give an abandoned pet a loving home Master a soufflé Swim in every ocean Worry less Find peace Here in 2025....five out of thirteen. Not bad as lives go.

“Depression is melancholy minus its charms.”   ― Susan Sontag I am trying. Or, rather… I am trying to try. Maybe you knew. Maybe you didn't know but I occasionally suffer with depression. This can make me a lousy friend at times.  Depression is a very selfish illness and I find that I can push people away. Guilt is a companion to my depression along with the fear of letting people down. I can feel like an inconvenience to the people in my life. This leads to isolating and finding it difficult to talk. At those times, I feel that I'm too much to deal with and that I'm bringing others down. I want to be there for you. I want to participate in my part of the friendship. Ironically, as I lose weight, the emotional weight is so immense at times that it is all I can do to get out of bed. I am always conflicted between the anger with myself at engaging in what seems like self-pity against the feelings of loneliness and not being good enough. It’s a wit...