Leftover Thanksgiving Crumbs

The idea of a day where we reflect on the things we’re thankful for sounds easy enough. If you’re reading this, you’re probably reading it on a computer, which means you probably have a lot to be thankful for.


I’m writing this on a computer and I know that I have a lot to be thankful for, but the truth is that I feel like I tend to do the opposite of what this holiday is meant to be. My thoughts gravitate to whatever’s missing, whatever’s lost or broken or painful. My heart worries and fears. There is plenty to be thankful for but those are not the scenes I stay stuck in.


I wish I was better at being present. Perhaps you can relate. And it’s not that I don’t have plenty to be happy about. There is more than plenty. My life is absurd in terms of how privileged it is. Lucky.


So I guess I’m writing for two reasons.


1. We deserve the space to be human. To be real, to be honest. To be a mess, to cry, to laugh while crying, to do whatever you need to do… Now, my guess is the idea of going there in front of your awkward Aunt ________ probably doesn’t sound like much fun. So maybe you don’t. Maybe you do your best today. To be present. To think about the other people in the room. To ask questions and to try to care for the people around you and to let those people care for you.


But it goes back to the first part. You deserve the space to be human. Family chooses us but we get to choose our community. Our friends. Our support system. We were meant to be known, to be loved, to be in honest relationships where we can be carried and where we can help carry.


2. I wonder if it’s possible to get to a place of being thankful for the dreams that feel fractured, for things we loved but lost. I wonder if it’s possible to get to a place of believing that we are shaped by all of it, that we are stronger and wiser for what we’ve walked through. What if the things that ended – the things that broke your heart – what if it was the end of a chapter but the story keeps going? What if life comes back? What if love comes back? What if you would not be who you are and you would not know what you know if not for it all?


I'm starting to believe those things, that the best is yet to be, that life comes back, that the dreams that live inside me are there for a reason, that life is not just a tragedy, not just a story about losing.

My Son's Wedding

The excitement over my son Tony getting married was almost more than I could bare. Of course, I knew about the event over a year in advance...I'm so grateful for that.

Purple or Teal. Those were the requested colors of apparel for the wedding party.

Not only have I not worn a dress in over thirty years but where to find purple pumps was the real challenge.

It was much too easy for Marc. He had a suit hanging in the closet. There. Done.

The location of the wedding was in Orange County. It was more than warm, it was hot. But the heat seemed to merely accentuated the commitment by all present to seeing these two people they loved honor each other beneath the angel-filled, California sky.

A surreal experience. Where did the time go? This is the guy who, five minutes ago, was trying to master the correct way to hold a pencil.

All brides are beautiful. They are dressed in the loveliest gowns, exquisitely coiffed and meticulously made up as never before. And with all the emotion of the moment, they are invariably radiant, bringing wedding guests to their feet and quieting them to such a hush that you can hear the rustling of the gown as they glide down the aisle.

Emmanuelle Marcelin was even more beautiful than all that. As she approached, , she trembled slightly as she let go the arm of her father. Beneath her veil of flowers, beads and lace, her smile shined as she steadied herself. Once she reached the gazebo, everyone exhaled. Her gaze went to the man she was about to marry - my son Tony. She loves him so much. I could see it in her face. And my son, he was practically lost in her. I watched as Tony promised his love and devotion to his precious lady. She promised back as she gazed up at him with big brown eyes that melted us all. Tony is a man of tenderness with a big heart. Emmanuelle's sweet nature and intelligent playfulness is the perfect compliment to Tony's sense of adventure and fiercely loving soul. 

Caught up in the powerful feeling of watching my first-born-son marry, I felt the tears welling up.

There was Mediterranean eating and festive belly dancing as we all laughed, and made toasts.

And then it was over. All I could do was stand there, just another lady clapping in the crowd. I'm both happy and proud. Tears upon tears. 

My heart is filled with the poetry of life. 

Time runs like water through my fingers.